Random Rant

As I was gathering my thoughts on what to update/post, it was brought to my attention that I haven’t posted since May 25th (oops). I may need to start putting random reminders on my calendar to make sure that I keep this somewhat updated.

Many things have gone on in the past few months, I’m not going to talk about most of them, but there is one that I’m going to rant about, because it’s my blog and I can, but also because it’s something that’s been consistently occurring and making me look like the bad guy, which I’m not, so here goes…

I know there are people who want to see the best in everyone, regardless of the person. But what gets me annoyed is having those people become involved in the choices that you make and do what they can to try to make you feel guilty for your choice. I think I mentioned this before (if I haven’t then you’re going to know a little more about me), I have not heard or seen my father since a big ordeal happened all of last year, and he decided to move back in october, leaving my mother and I in a house that was in processing of being foreclosed, oh and also stole $4,000 from me, because he told me that he was having money trouble and asked me to move back home to help him money wise, since he (and I quote) “could not afford paying the mortgage or any utilities” of the house. Come Aug of last year we found out that he did not pay the mortgage for over a year (and he told me he couldn’t afford it). But whatever, that’s not even the issue. During these times, there have been name calling, police activity, property damage, flashing and many more things that he had done. I’ll be the first to admit that I have defended myself with the name calling and used the tape recordings to not have my mom get arrested because he decided to make a false 911 call. Because of all of this and the things I’ve gone through in the past with him, I made a choice to no longer have him regardless of anything, in my life. I have been through HELL with him being in my life, half of the time there was nothing I could do about it since I was young and out of respect I couldn’t defend myself. All of these things caused a big cluster-fuck to happen within me and it’s taken me years, YEARS to finally be ok with me. To finally be happy in my own skin. It is my choice because I’ve been the fool once too many times, that I’ve had enough.

Now that you have a small background, well as much as I’ll give, but if you’re letting your imagination run wild, then good but you may want to expand your mind a little more to grasp what I went through for about 26 years of my life (I’m 31 years old) I was asked before if I would ever speak to him again, I answered no. I was then told to really think about it because he’s my dad. I corrected and said he’s my father and not a dad. I explained that it takes a real man to be a dad and anyone can be a father or what he liked to say when I was younger a sperm donor (yes he did say that). I was then told about the suffering another person went through and during their story, I cut them off and said that stories cannot be compared and choices cannot be compared. The choices I make are mine and if they don’t like it that’s not my problem. It was left at that and everyone went on their own way. A few weeks ago, I get a call about a very serious situation, as people are concerned about my father’s well-being and blah blah blah and wanted to complete an intervention and wanted me to be a part of it because he needs help. I told them no and told them that this is the final time that I’m going to talk about it and if I get approached one more time about it, I’ll throw a hissy fit. A full-blown temper tantrum (trust me, it’s not a pretty sight). I think they finally got the message. But at the same time I know, it’ll happen again and the end result is not going to be pretty.

I still don’t understand how hard it is to respect other’s wishes about not wanting to deal or have those who’ve been nothing but manipulative assholes (for lack of better word) in their life. And to see that this decision has been nothing but the best for them. That they are happy and things have been going better in their life, even my relationship with another family member has gotten better. It’s really not that hard to respect it. It’s not.

So if this then makes me look like the bad guy and a horrible daughter then fine, you’re entitled to think that; just like I’m entitled to think that I’m utterly awesome because even though I’m one of many living paycheck by paycheck, I’m making sure that my mom has a roof over her head even though we’re living in a one bedroom apartment together paying about $1100 a month (with utilities and groceries) while he lives in a luxury one bed room apartment paying $1300 a month not including utilities (yet he couldn’t afford a $1200 mortgage right?). How do I know this? Because when you get a letter of foreclosure, you also get a listing of address’ where the letter was served. Google is a very powerful thing and useful tool.

Until next time.
~Stephanie

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