Sooo….

I’ve realized that I haven’t written anything in over a year. Which has me realizing that I’m not good with this whole social media and keeping people posted on anything really.

So what have I been doing for over a year? Well I wish it was something fun and exciting, that’s happened, instead it’s basically the same things that I’ve been doing. Work, sleep, work, stare at a blank computer screen, write, delete the writing, get a new idea for a book and write, then realize that idea wasn’t the best and delete that writing, and then realize I should have kept what I wrote and only tweaked it a little, then back to staring at a blank screen…well you get the idea.

Writers block isn’t the best thing. Ever. But I’m pushing through it, and finally settled on a title of the next book and have been getting out of my writing funk that I’ve had for a long time.

So here’s to hopefully having something new out soon, or at least a blurb and a book cover soon.

Until next time,

Stephanie

 

Random Rant

As I was gathering my thoughts on what to update/post, it was brought to my attention that I haven’t posted since May 25th (oops). I may need to start putting random reminders on my calendar to make sure that I keep this somewhat updated.

Many things have gone on in the past few months, I’m not going to talk about most of them, but there is one that I’m going to rant about, because it’s my blog and I can, but also because it’s something that’s been consistently occurring and making me look like the bad guy, which I’m not, so here goes…

I know there are people who want to see the best in everyone, regardless of the person. But what gets me annoyed is having those people become involved in the choices that you make and do what they can to try to make you feel guilty for your choice. I think I mentioned this before (if I haven’t then you’re going to know a little more about me), I have not heard or seen my father since a big ordeal happened all of last year, and he decided to move back in october, leaving my mother and I in a house that was in processing of being foreclosed, oh and also stole $4,000 from me, because he told me that he was having money trouble and asked me to move back home to help him money wise, since he (and I quote) “could not afford paying the mortgage or any utilities” of the house. Come Aug of last year we found out that he did not pay the mortgage for over a year (and he told me he couldn’t afford it). But whatever, that’s not even the issue. During these times, there have been name calling, police activity, property damage, flashing and many more things that he had done. I’ll be the first to admit that I have defended myself with the name calling and used the tape recordings to not have my mom get arrested because he decided to make a false 911 call. Because of all of this and the things I’ve gone through in the past with him, I made a choice to no longer have him regardless of anything, in my life. I have been through HELL with him being in my life, half of the time there was nothing I could do about it since I was young and out of respect I couldn’t defend myself. All of these things caused a big cluster-fuck to happen within me and it’s taken me years, YEARS to finally be ok with me. To finally be happy in my own skin. It is my choice because I’ve been the fool once too many times, that I’ve had enough.

Now that you have a small background, well as much as I’ll give, but if you’re letting your imagination run wild, then good but you may want to expand your mind a little more to grasp what I went through for about 26 years of my life (I’m 31 years old) I was asked before if I would ever speak to him again, I answered no. I was then told to really think about it because he’s my dad. I corrected and said he’s my father and not a dad. I explained that it takes a real man to be a dad and anyone can be a father or what he liked to say when I was younger a sperm donor (yes he did say that). I was then told about the suffering another person went through and during their story, I cut them off and said that stories cannot be compared and choices cannot be compared. The choices I make are mine and if they don’t like it that’s not my problem. It was left at that and everyone went on their own way. A few weeks ago, I get a call about a very serious situation, as people are concerned about my father’s well-being and blah blah blah and wanted to complete an intervention and wanted me to be a part of it because he needs help. I told them no and told them that this is the final time that I’m going to talk about it and if I get approached one more time about it, I’ll throw a hissy fit. A full-blown temper tantrum (trust me, it’s not a pretty sight). I think they finally got the message. But at the same time I know, it’ll happen again and the end result is not going to be pretty.

I still don’t understand how hard it is to respect other’s wishes about not wanting to deal or have those who’ve been nothing but manipulative assholes (for lack of better word) in their life. And to see that this decision has been nothing but the best for them. That they are happy and things have been going better in their life, even my relationship with another family member has gotten better. It’s really not that hard to respect it. It’s not.

So if this then makes me look like the bad guy and a horrible daughter then fine, you’re entitled to think that; just like I’m entitled to think that I’m utterly awesome because even though I’m one of many living paycheck by paycheck, I’m making sure that my mom has a roof over her head even though we’re living in a one bedroom apartment together paying about $1100 a month (with utilities and groceries) while he lives in a luxury one bed room apartment paying $1300 a month not including utilities (yet he couldn’t afford a $1200 mortgage right?). How do I know this? Because when you get a letter of foreclosure, you also get a listing of address’ where the letter was served. Google is a very powerful thing and useful tool.

Until next time.
~Stephanie

Finally Updated

First with the good news…I’ve finally learned how to merge the 2 blog platforms I had and also learned how to get a domain. Now everything will just come to one site, which will be this one 🙂 yay! I feel like i’ve accomplished so much this weekend, well social media wise at least.

I’m still in a little funk with writing. It’s like I have the idea in my head and what I want to accomplish in the end as well on how to get there; but when it comes to writing it all down I go blank. Then again procrastinating doesn’t help either.

So i’ll leave you with this. I’m slowly coming out of my writing funk and making some progress with Reflections. I’m hoping to at least complete the draft by mid summer, so fingers crossed!

Until Next Time,

Stephanie

Movies…

I finally saw Fifty Shades of Grey last night and OH.EM.GEE!! *sigh*

Now I’ve read all three books, quite a few times I may add…OK more like 5-6 times. Yeah I know, I need to get out more, but let’s face it, re-reading books is a bookworm problem; especially when there are so many feels…and better sex in writing than in real life (you know you’re thinking the same thing).

Anyway back to the movie, I personally loved it. The actors did an amazing job bringing the characters from print to the screen. I was texting with another friend of mine regarding the movie as she saw it before me; and gave me her honest opinion about it, which was that she didn’t like it. I was disappointed that she felt that way. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. She told me that it didn’t stay to the book and there were scenes that didn’t make the cut that played a big part in the movie.

While this is true, but one also needs to remember that not all books that turn into movies stay true to the book. From what i’ve read, EL James had tried to make sure the movie stayed true to the book, and I feel that she did do it justice. Since the story was written in first person, we’re not going to hear the internal dialogue that we read. It’s up to the screen writer and actors to portray that emotion on the screen; and from what i’ve seen it was done amazingly. This is what I had told my friend, and it honestly opened her eyes a little about how the movie was made and in-turn made her appreciate the movie a little more (mission accomplished I may say).

Other things i’ve been reading online was about the controversy about this movie, since the story line is a romance, but the main character portrays a type of sexual lifestyle that is severely taboo, and had learned about the lifestyle since it was done to him. While many people practice it in the privacy of their own homes, or as I came to find out there are some public places where this does happen, its a lifestyle a person chooses to be a part of. There are people that are saying things like ‘by watching this movie you’re encouraging sexual and physical abuse’. All I have to say is seriously? You’re going to go there?

Since many have gone there, i’m also going to go there. As someone who’s been sexually assaulted in her life, and having known and worked with people who’ve been sexually abused and physically abused, this movie DOES NOT portray that at all. Nor do any of the books. It does refer back to an abuse that the main character endured, with his mothers friend (yup an older woman), which lead him to be introduced into this lifestyle (yeah let that simmer in your head for a little bit…so much of the double standard right? f the roles were reversed…it would be about a movie of survival rather than a whole controversy of supporting an abuser right?)

For those who are judging the books and movie, I bet you haven’t even read it or watched it right? And you’re just making an assumption because of the storyline, because it has to deal with such a taboo topic…That’s a real shame since you’re not keeping an open mind to the reality of the gray areas in what most believe is only a black and world.

Well…i’m done with my mini rant about the movie. So before I start getting controversy emails about this, please remember that this all in my opinion only, and yes everyone is entitled to their own. So please respect mine.

Until next time,

~ Stephanie

A goodbye to the past

This weekend I said goodbye to a place I had called a home at one point in the past 11 years. In this place there was both good and bad times. In the good times showed times of strength and love as a family; while in the bad times it was a time of cruelty and hate. It was a bittersweet feeling to say goodbye as I will remember the fun times had there but the hatred that overpowered there made me extremely happy to be leaving.
On another note. I got my semicolon tattoo on Saturday as well. A small tidbit about me is that I’m a survivor of a mental health illness known as depression. I had been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and mild depression in the past. I had an internal struggle most of my life, this struggle consisted of wanting to end my life or to continue to live in the skin that I hated to be in. I had cut my body to be able to feel anything but what I was currently feeling. I used it as an escape from my state of mind. Then there was one day when someone thanked me for making a difference in their life. She had told me that if it wasn’t for me, she wouldn’t have been able to see the strength within herself to continue living and live a life she wanted no matter the cost. That’s when I realized if this girl who had been given a crappy life at such a young age, can do it so can I.
From that point I continued to fight my own demons and with that battle I had people give up on me and I also had people stick by me and support me no matter the cost. It was because of these people that I was able to find my strength and confidence that had been missing for years. I was able to find and be me again. With this I decided to write a book. A book about a similar internal struggle, with my research I had found a foundation called the semicolon project and the semicolon tattoo project. This foundation offered support to those who are struggling with depression, anxiety, or any situation they may be in. They offer anyone to have someone to talk to just to have someone available. They remind those who are going through this that they are not alone. There are people around out there that care. So I got my semicolon tattoo to remind myself how far I’ve come and to remind myself how strong I am no matter the cost. A picture of my tattoo can be found on Facebook at Facebook.com/authorstephaniemolina or on instagram: stephaniemolina_
I leave you with this, just remember that you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.
Until next time,
Stephanie

Happy New Year 2015

First things first. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

So I realized that I haven’t written since August. Oops…I’ll try and do better with keeping this up to date, as now i’ll finally be in a place that has internet and i’ll finally have access to the cyber world again. 

Ok, so let me elaborate on that. As most know, I moved back in with my parents about a year ago, they were going through some financial difficulties, and I had offered to move back in to help them. had I known what was really going on behind closed doors I would have just taken my mom out of the situation rather than be dragged into the situation. I know…you’re probably thinking ‘huh?’ Without going into details, i’ll just say that my mom, is a survivor of domestic abuse. Now the definition of abuse can mean many different things, her’s was emotional and financial. The physical had stopped many years ago, thankfully. With everything that she had gone through and the experiences that she and I had encountered, I realized that the justice system that’s supposed to help and protect those who’ve been abused in all sense of the word, is extremely flawed. I did write a very worded letter to the congressman but i’m sure the letter was looked at and discarded. So i’ll do what I do best and write about it. So yes, there will be another book out after Reflections. I haven’t worked on a title yet, but once I have it worked out, I’ll keep you posted. 
Until Next Time
Stephanie

The war is not over

I was heartbroken to hear about the recent passing of actor/ comedian Robin Williams. He was one of many that has lost his battle to the disease we call depression. For the past few days, i’ve seen so many people pay their respects from those fans that learned from the characters that he played as well as those that knew him personally.  I’ve also seen the not so nice comments about calling him a ‘coward’ or ‘taking the easy way out,’ and that hurts. Those are the people that don’t understand what it’s like to want to feel something else. Depression affects millions of people,  (Click here to view the statistics), some refer it to as the silent disease because there are a lot that suffer in silence.

I was asked before to why i’m so passionate about this particular topic. The reason for the passion is because i’m a survivor. I survived my battle, I beat the odds that I put against myself. There was a time that I wanted to end my pain and suffering, I wanted to out of my own skin. There was a point that I could no longer feel anything and took matters into my own hands in order to just feel something or anything again. I understand what it is like to suffer in silence and think that it’s not worth it at the end. After so many years of struggling, being on medications and counseling, I was able to over come it all. My story goes into more depth than that brief overview but like I said. I get it, I understand and can relate to what most go through. There are people out there that go through a lot worse.

This is also why the book I wrote ‘The Mirrors Within’ (yup, I’m promoting my book in my blog, because I can), gives such a strong point of view of a person that goes through similar struggles. That’s a small tidbit that not a lot of people know and now you do. This story has some personal experiences in it mixed with fiction.

I hope with this, people become a little more open minded about depression as well as will do anything they can to help someone in need. whether its just to sit there and listen to them vent or help them get professional help. It’s never to late to ask for help and no one should ever have to struggle in silence or ever be alone in this battle.

To find out more information about suicide prevention visit: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255).