Living a dream…

It’s official. I’m an author, i’ve finally hit the publish button on a few sites that will allow everyone to be able to experience my story. It does take a lot of hard work to put words together to create a story. I’ve always wanted to share my stories with people and now i’ve been able to accomplish my dream of being an author. I’m adding the links to where they can be found. I hope you all enjoy it.

ebook: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/451179

I’m still waiting on other websites to go live and once they do, i’ll include those links as well.

happy reading 🙂

Oops..so much for keeping this up to date

Oops so I thought I was going to be good at keeping this updated and it’s been about 3 months :-/ my bad.

Anyway, so in the past 3 months have been an adventure and also stressful. 1st after all of my fun-filled adventures and horror stories of online dating I’ve deleted my profile (well I’m hoping that I did since I hit delete). I’ve come to the conclusion that I must have a sign on my picture that’s an invisible beacon for the crazy/stalker/player types can only see. Because those were all of those I’ve met or even talked to for a day. And that’s a big no in my book since I’m just about 30 and have no time for games.

Another update on who I call the magician. So back in April this ass texts me again saying the same thing over and over and over again, you know the ‘I miss you’, ‘give me another chance’, ‘I’ll make it up to you’ all that bullshit. So I told him where he can shove it, but I guess for him that just mean I’m playing hard to get…yeah no, not one bit, so I stopped answering and deleted him from my phone. But of course after 2 months, just like freaking clock work, I get another message ‘hey’ and then after a few hours of not responding ‘what’s wrong’ so of course I have to answer to that so it went like this ‘seriously? How many times do I need to tell you to fuck off?’ So from there I didn’t get a response back, I’m hoping that it finally sunk in. Fingers crossed.

A word of advise that I just want to throw out there in Internet land. If you offer someone help with something that they’ve worked so hard and so long on and know that this was their way in looking into other things that they want to complete in life, don’t do it half-hearted. Just be upfront and say I’m sorry but I can’t or say that’s not my thing or even don’t offer to do anything and just wish them well on their adventure. So with that, there was a set back with the book (for all those wondering). I’m hoping for it to be out by this month or the next. But I will keep you posted on this. My best friend is the most amazing and beautiful person that’s helping me with my set back and I’d rather her take her time than rush through it (you can only image what had happened before and how upset I was over it).

Until next time.
Stephanie

CRAZY!!

Ok, I always thought that the cardinal rule of dating/meeting someone was that you weren’t supposed to show the crazy until about 3 months into a relationship or even from meeting anyone for that matter. As you all know I joined the world of online dating, well again there were some really nice people that I had met. But recently its like the dating world has another agenda, to bring on the weirdos and crazy. I know i’m not one to talk, since i’m a little out there too, dorky and nerdy but I know better than to show my crazy at first email.
I’m not going to go into detail about what had occurred, but there is a slight reason why I don’t like to tell people what I had majored in in college merely for the fact that sometimes I get an “oh okay, well thats interesting” or “what are you analyzing me now?” For those that don’t know, I have a masters in Psychology with a concentration in addictive behaviors (yea, exactly). Anyway there was a situation that had occurred where communication wasn’t being had (we didn’t speak for a few days and all hell broke loose). Then the crazy came out and it wasn’t me that did it. The person emailed saying that I had forgotten about them and I responded no because I’m not consistently checking emails while I’m at work and I was busy the past few days. Yea that’s when the crazy came out. I got a response saying so this is how it’s going to be. You’re going to be way too busy for me and you don’t want to talk to me. I, of course thought that this was a joke and responded as such and that made it worse. The response was similar to getting a gremlin wet and they told me that I broke their heart and crushed their dreams of the happily ever after. That’s when I got the CODE RED CODE RED siren.

I know us girls are like that but damn we don’t show that level of crazy until the time is right. And in seriousness you really can’t fix that level of crazy. But that’s not going to stop me from continuing my journey in this whole dating world.

until next time,

Stephanie

Never going to give up…

So from the last time I wrote till now a lot has happened, okay maybe not a lot but enough that can make you second guess many different things. Let me start off with the ‘boy’. You remember the one that promised and all that and then boom never heard from him, the one that I like to call a magician. yeah well I found out that after he begged and pleaded and everything (yes, he did and the sappy phone call was one for the books too, that was a total man card taking event); he’s now dating someone. I know right! My thoughts exactly. It’s not like it didn’t hurt or anything, because lets face it  I’m a girl and most of us are overly emotional, me being the queen of that. That’s neither here nor there.
I’m not one to lie, so I’m not going to lie because after all that serious begging and what not, I was discarded and that hurt like a bitch. I kinda feel like the guy Chuck in the Dane Cook movie Good Luck Chuck, with the only difference is that I didn’t have sex with the guy. Its like ok I’ll date you/ talk to you for a month and then boom someone else comes along and then you’re left feeling like the ugly duckling that no one wants. Oh and the best part that I forgot to mention is what they tell you to sucker you in. They tell you that your the best, you’re everything they’ve been looking for, the total package and incredibly smart and perfect in every way, but at the end of the day they still didn’t choose you regardless of what they said and words only become just that, words.  Then cue in the mellow dramatic music and start with the self-loathing because its those words that mean the most because they gave you hope for something better, hope that it can and would happen, that the happy ending you’ve waited for was at your finger tips to only be destroyed because that other person came along, who was better than you or they finally realized what they had when it was lost. Not that I’m bitter or anything, nor am I claiming that I was seeing or hearing wedding bells with this jerk-face, but its more of the fact that there are guys like that out there, whether they claim to be one of the good guys or not, they will still lead you on and toss you like a dirty rag, when someone better comes along.
I’m not claiming that I’m the best girl out there, I have my flaws and I’ve embraced them to the fullest and would never change them for anything or anyone since they make me who I am. It’s taken me a long time to get to where I am, well with the help of my BFF, that it doesn’t matter what someone else thinks, it only matters how you see yourself. Because at the end of the day, someone is going to come along that’s going to love you for you, flaws and all. And no matter how many times someone tries to rain on your parade, the only way to hurt them is by just dancing in the rain and never give up hope.
There is someone out there for everyone and he’s probably stuck in a tree somewhere and to stubborn to ask for help to get down.

That was my rant for the day.
Until next time,
Stephanie
xoxo

weekly update

So i think it was about a week ago that i mentioned my small situation of a boy that came back into my life and begged and all that jazz, well he said that he was going to prove it to me that he deserved another chance and whatnot. It’s been a week since I last heard from him and I laughed. I didn’t get my hopes up because in all honestly I knew he wasn’t going to follow through with his promise.

That’s another thing that I don’t understand why someone would promise something and then break it. It’s like you are proving to people that you shouldn’t be trusted.  If you know you’re not going to follow through with something don’t promise you will because that only makes you look like an asshole. I’m all about second chances if you deserve it or then again it depends on what you did because “sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving a person another bullet to their gun because they missed you the first time” -unknown. Some food for thought for you.

On a happier note, I have submitted my final draft for a final edit and am more than excited for it to be completed and published for all to read. I have no words to describe this feeling. It’s like a cross between excited and scared to see a dream become a reality.

Until next time,
Stephanie
xoxo

Confusedment….and a small teaser for The Mirrors Within

No the title is not a typo it’s a combination of the words confused and amazement because that is what I’m currently feeling and it’s also how this past week has been for me.
Let me start at the beginning. A few months back there was a guy I met via online dating and we did hit it off at first and then he disappeared after a while and came back and then disappeared and came back, well you get the picture. Anyway, after so many months of not hearing from him he texts me to ask me why I haven’t contacted him…seriously? anyway Of course I went off and told him where he can shove it and all of that jazz. This took place a month ago. Now a few days ago I get a text from him apologizing for everything and said he wanted to make things right. (I know right!!) Now this leaves me confused because I don’t want to give him another chance since he hurt me, and giving someone a second chance is like giving them another bullet to a gun since they missed you the first time around (that’s a quote I read somewhere but can’t remember who said it). Yes I told him that I wasn’t going to give him another chance but he turned around and said that he was going to prove it to me that he deserves one :/  yup that was real life, he’s trying but I have no idea if I want this. Now I get it when people get confused with what it is that they want to do when someone comes back into their lives from their past.

Anyway I promised before I was going to give a little teaser of the book so here is a small portion of it..enjoy 🙂

“Another round?” the bartender asks me, I respond with a nod. I can’t help but check out the bartender, he looks my age and is sort of hot, especially his eyes, they have to be the most amazing green eyes I’ve seen. I take out more money and place it on the bar. As I’m waiting for another drink another person sits down next to me, I notice that this guy is good looking so I smile, but of course I have a little more respect for myself and not prep myself.
“Hi, I’m Steve” he says with a smile on his face and takes out his hand and holds mine, I smile again and introduce myself
“Hi, I’m Selma”.
“Now that’s a name that you don’t hear every day…it’s sexy and exotic…now tell me Selma, did it hurt?”
 “Ummm did what hurt?” I’m confused. Crap I thought that no one could notice the scars. I’ve always made sure to make sure that no one could see them, I’ve mastered on how to put on makeup that covered the imperfections and everything. No one has ever been able to notice. I take slow breaths and try my hardest not to freak out over this.
“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because I’m looking at an angel” he says as he takes my hand and kisses it.
OH MY FREAKING GOD! I take back everything I’ve said. He’s not even trying. I’ve heard my share of pick-up lines, but really this is by far the worst. Once a guy said to me if I was a transformer then I’d be optimum fine. I thought it was cute and since I happen to like the transformers then I thought that the guy deserved a chance, he got an A for originality in my book, but this guy, he must have read it in a book somewhere. It’s too bad though, this guy is cute, but went from cute stranger to creeper in less than 2 minutes. How do I let him down gently?
“No, Steve it doesn’t hurt when you have to dig your way up” I said with a smile on my face. Poor Steve though, he didn’t like that too much since his face deadpanned and got up really quickly. Well someone doesn’t have a good sense of humor. I heard laughter and I turned and saw the bartender was laughing at the whole exchange.
“What?” I said as I shrugged.
“nothing” he said as he shook his head, “but that was the funniest thing that I’ve ever heard a girl say to that line, normally I see girls smile and twirl their hair or get annoyed that someone’s using a line and walk away, but you, you’re something else” he tells me with a smile on his face. It’s a nice smile, one of those sexy half smiles that only certain guys can give.
“Thanks, I’m Selma,” I say as I take a drink and smile, I hand him my money for the drink. He holds his hands up not wanting to take it.

“I know, it’s good to meet you, and it’s on the house” he tells me and walks away.

Until next time,
Stephanie xoxo

Amazement

In my life I’ve met some pretty interesting people. Some have stayed in my life and shown me that it’s ok to be different, some shown me that it’s ok to party and let loose every now and then and then there are those that have taught me life lessons to not let my guard down any longer. But one thing is that I would never change is myself.

I’ve been asked a question, which seems to be on a lot of people’s mind when it comes to me, “if you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?” My response was nothing. There is not one thing I would ever change about myself. I know I have flaws and imperfections but that makes me who and what I am and if I change that that would be changing me and I’m not going to change me for anyone.

Of course some people have a problem with my answer and have called me “to mature” or “self righteous” or even “narcissistic” which if anyone knows me I am not. My response is what one would call confidence in one self. If you think it’s selfish then fine. Think what you will and what you want but I know that it’s anything but selfish.

What people don’t care to understand is that not everyone is the same. Yes there are superficial people out there that want to be wanted and would do just about anything to either fit in or be noticed, but then there are these other people like myself that are ok with what we have and what we are and most are intimidated by it. There’s no need for intimidation because we’re ok with it. We don’t seek others approval or acceptance because we accepted ourselves and that’s the only thing that matters.

Until next time,

Stephanie

Synopsis of my Novel

The Mirrors Within

5 years ago, Selma was institutionalized for a suicide attempt. Since then she’s been struggling to keep her emotions at bay and live her life as uncomplicated as she can. A new neighbor, Colin Davis moves in next door and changes her life completely.
Colin, however has a secret of his own that could hurt Selma more than the events that caused her to be institutionalized in the first place.
Can love really conquer all? Or can the mirrors within us break us more?

COMING SOON in 2014!!!!

New Year

First and for most HAPPY NEW YEAR (I know its about 6 days late, but its better late than never). I’ve been slacking in my posts (sorry), sorry but I have been writing non-stop and working at my full-time job. I am 3/4 of the way completed with my first draft and hoping (fingers crossed) to be 100% completed by no later than the end of the month (yay!!). This is EXTREMELY exciting for me because its the first step to completing a goal/dream that i’ve had for a long long time. I’m hoping that you will enjoy it as much as I love writing it.

I will start to post teasers here and there once the first draft is completed. I don’t have anything more to share. Oh never mind i do. haha. Just a little word of advise from one person to another. Everyone goes through many different events in life, they can break us or make us stronger, and sometimes it can help us come face to face with something that we fear the most. Whatever that fear is, don’t give into it. Easier said than done, trust me I know, but the more we let it consume us the more we prevent happiness from entering our lives. Happiness is something that someone should never live without; everyone deserves it even if its for a day.

until next time.
Stephanie
xo

We’re all worth it!

Like many others I have gone into the world of online dating. Why? You may ask; because like many im not going to find a guy at a bar, 9 times out of 10 they have a one track mind. I know many are an exception to this but lets face it, you are that one in a million story; as for me and maybe others we aren’t the exception to that rule. I’ve been on the free sites and am now currently paying for the services because like many, people would probably be a little more serious about dating when they pay for it, yea thats not always the case.
Before hearing my fun filled (enter sarcastic tone of voice) experience, i’m going to say this first; this will give a somewhat understanding about me. I have gone through a lot in my life and those that know me understand what im talking about and those of you who do not, ill just say that for once in my life I am comfortable in my own skin. I have come a long way to be comfortable and accepting of my flaws and of me.
Now for the interestingly fun part (again sarcasm) of FREE dating sites. For most who have the experience in this department will understand but for those who do not, then let me tell you these sites attract creepers! Its like their hangout and us single women are the intruders of their area of worship. Because lets face it, they travel in packs, just like wolves, but not as vulgar just like a creepy human being searching for its heard (yup thats right I went there, because its true) or they have a secret access to those who are new and find a way to creep in. Now don’t get me wrong, there are some interesting people on these sites, I just didn’t know that most do not have access to a car and most rely on septa (yes, i’m serious). 
For these very rare “normal” (since no one is really normal and normal can’t really be defined since we all think we are when in reality what is normal for one is not for another), people you talk to on these free sites are nice and you exchange numbers, talk on the phone or text and you feel like you have a connection, which is awesome but don’t be fooled. Ive talked to a few guys on these sites and some caught me off guard on the phone and were too demaning and alpha-male that I told them sorry but no thanks (I’ve seen how those types of relationships can end up in and im too stubborn to not have my way in certain things). Of the ones that I have met face to face and spoken with almost every day it gave me the hope and possibility that it could proceed into something greater. So why not try and persue that one. So being the person that I am, I told the other potential the truth and of course that didn’t go so well (I thought girls were needy and emotional, I was wrong, that guy was certainly manstruating or something). Now i’m not going to go in detail of what happened that the “potential” because it pisses me off too much and yes I was played like a fool to second guess myself and my niceness (one thing about me, is that I am nice and kind to EVERYONE). I have not come all this way to second guess myself and that there was something wrong with me; I am not going to waste many years of being able to put myself back together from my past and past experiences,  I am awesome, im an understanding person who will go above and beyond to make others feel secure of themselves and forget about my own insecurities. People wonder why there are so many women out there who get insecure and think that its all their fault that a guy isn’t calling them back after a date or who wont answer their text or the kicker when they finally get you into bed and they have the nerve to end it because its not going to work (thats happened to me before but not with this “potential”). If they ignore you or drop you like its hot, its their own loss because they are the one’s thats missing out not you. Remember for a guy they are only allowed so much blood flow to one brain at a time (haha). 
We blame ourselves and make excuses for the guy thats our fault for this in all actuality its not its theirs! Think about it! What did you do except be yourself? Theres nothing wrong with that! If a guy cannot handle you as yourself then whats the point. It comes down to the fact that we are way out of that douche nozzle’s league (yes I said nozzle and not bag, think about it because its way worse, one hangs there and the other is inserted, my point exactly) and deserve way better than that. If you want to continue to chase after them then go for it, but one thing ill tell you from this is that if you’re to busy chasing after the wrong guy, you’ll miss out on the possibilities of finding the right one. I may not habe found him yet but I know he’s out there, probably stuck in a tree somewhere but he’s there.
As for the paid servies of dating; I’ll keep you posted because so far its just emailing and nothing more.
I’ll leave you with this little bit of wisdom from my short experience. There is a difference between having time and making time, regardless of ones schedule if its something that you/they want, then they will do anything to make it happen. Its also the thrill of the chase for some guys and the whole wanting what you can’t have. But once they get you, they should still continue to prove to you that they are worth it and continue to fight for you even when they have you. If they don’t then find someone who will because you’re worth so much more than you think. 
Now i’m not bitter, or a man-hater or anything, and yes it may give you that impression; but lets face it, guys are assholes. It’s like my best friend’s brother said “all guys are dicks, its just depends on how much of a dick they are”; it doesn’t get any truer than that.