weekly update

So i think it was about a week ago that i mentioned my small situation of a boy that came back into my life and begged and all that jazz, well he said that he was going to prove it to me that he deserved another chance and whatnot. It’s been a week since I last heard from him and I laughed. I didn’t get my hopes up because in all honestly I knew he wasn’t going to follow through with his promise.

That’s another thing that I don’t understand why someone would promise something and then break it. It’s like you are proving to people that you shouldn’t be trusted.  If you know you’re not going to follow through with something don’t promise you will because that only makes you look like an asshole. I’m all about second chances if you deserve it or then again it depends on what you did because “sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving a person another bullet to their gun because they missed you the first time” -unknown. Some food for thought for you.

On a happier note, I have submitted my final draft for a final edit and am more than excited for it to be completed and published for all to read. I have no words to describe this feeling. It’s like a cross between excited and scared to see a dream become a reality.

Until next time,
Stephanie
xoxo

Confusedment….and a small teaser for The Mirrors Within

No the title is not a typo it’s a combination of the words confused and amazement because that is what I’m currently feeling and it’s also how this past week has been for me.
Let me start at the beginning. A few months back there was a guy I met via online dating and we did hit it off at first and then he disappeared after a while and came back and then disappeared and came back, well you get the picture. Anyway, after so many months of not hearing from him he texts me to ask me why I haven’t contacted him…seriously? anyway Of course I went off and told him where he can shove it and all of that jazz. This took place a month ago. Now a few days ago I get a text from him apologizing for everything and said he wanted to make things right. (I know right!!) Now this leaves me confused because I don’t want to give him another chance since he hurt me, and giving someone a second chance is like giving them another bullet to a gun since they missed you the first time around (that’s a quote I read somewhere but can’t remember who said it). Yes I told him that I wasn’t going to give him another chance but he turned around and said that he was going to prove it to me that he deserves one :/  yup that was real life, he’s trying but I have no idea if I want this. Now I get it when people get confused with what it is that they want to do when someone comes back into their lives from their past.

Anyway I promised before I was going to give a little teaser of the book so here is a small portion of it..enjoy 🙂

“Another round?” the bartender asks me, I respond with a nod. I can’t help but check out the bartender, he looks my age and is sort of hot, especially his eyes, they have to be the most amazing green eyes I’ve seen. I take out more money and place it on the bar. As I’m waiting for another drink another person sits down next to me, I notice that this guy is good looking so I smile, but of course I have a little more respect for myself and not prep myself.
“Hi, I’m Steve” he says with a smile on his face and takes out his hand and holds mine, I smile again and introduce myself
“Hi, I’m Selma”.
“Now that’s a name that you don’t hear every day…it’s sexy and exotic…now tell me Selma, did it hurt?”
 “Ummm did what hurt?” I’m confused. Crap I thought that no one could notice the scars. I’ve always made sure to make sure that no one could see them, I’ve mastered on how to put on makeup that covered the imperfections and everything. No one has ever been able to notice. I take slow breaths and try my hardest not to freak out over this.
“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because I’m looking at an angel” he says as he takes my hand and kisses it.
OH MY FREAKING GOD! I take back everything I’ve said. He’s not even trying. I’ve heard my share of pick-up lines, but really this is by far the worst. Once a guy said to me if I was a transformer then I’d be optimum fine. I thought it was cute and since I happen to like the transformers then I thought that the guy deserved a chance, he got an A for originality in my book, but this guy, he must have read it in a book somewhere. It’s too bad though, this guy is cute, but went from cute stranger to creeper in less than 2 minutes. How do I let him down gently?
“No, Steve it doesn’t hurt when you have to dig your way up” I said with a smile on my face. Poor Steve though, he didn’t like that too much since his face deadpanned and got up really quickly. Well someone doesn’t have a good sense of humor. I heard laughter and I turned and saw the bartender was laughing at the whole exchange.
“What?” I said as I shrugged.
“nothing” he said as he shook his head, “but that was the funniest thing that I’ve ever heard a girl say to that line, normally I see girls smile and twirl their hair or get annoyed that someone’s using a line and walk away, but you, you’re something else” he tells me with a smile on his face. It’s a nice smile, one of those sexy half smiles that only certain guys can give.
“Thanks, I’m Selma,” I say as I take a drink and smile, I hand him my money for the drink. He holds his hands up not wanting to take it.

“I know, it’s good to meet you, and it’s on the house” he tells me and walks away.

Until next time,
Stephanie xoxo

Amazement

In my life I’ve met some pretty interesting people. Some have stayed in my life and shown me that it’s ok to be different, some shown me that it’s ok to party and let loose every now and then and then there are those that have taught me life lessons to not let my guard down any longer. But one thing is that I would never change is myself.

I’ve been asked a question, which seems to be on a lot of people’s mind when it comes to me, “if you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?” My response was nothing. There is not one thing I would ever change about myself. I know I have flaws and imperfections but that makes me who and what I am and if I change that that would be changing me and I’m not going to change me for anyone.

Of course some people have a problem with my answer and have called me “to mature” or “self righteous” or even “narcissistic” which if anyone knows me I am not. My response is what one would call confidence in one self. If you think it’s selfish then fine. Think what you will and what you want but I know that it’s anything but selfish.

What people don’t care to understand is that not everyone is the same. Yes there are superficial people out there that want to be wanted and would do just about anything to either fit in or be noticed, but then there are these other people like myself that are ok with what we have and what we are and most are intimidated by it. There’s no need for intimidation because we’re ok with it. We don’t seek others approval or acceptance because we accepted ourselves and that’s the only thing that matters.

Until next time,

Stephanie

Synopsis of my Novel

The Mirrors Within

5 years ago, Selma was institutionalized for a suicide attempt. Since then she’s been struggling to keep her emotions at bay and live her life as uncomplicated as she can. A new neighbor, Colin Davis moves in next door and changes her life completely.
Colin, however has a secret of his own that could hurt Selma more than the events that caused her to be institutionalized in the first place.
Can love really conquer all? Or can the mirrors within us break us more?

COMING SOON in 2014!!!!

New Year

First and for most HAPPY NEW YEAR (I know its about 6 days late, but its better late than never). I’ve been slacking in my posts (sorry), sorry but I have been writing non-stop and working at my full-time job. I am 3/4 of the way completed with my first draft and hoping (fingers crossed) to be 100% completed by no later than the end of the month (yay!!). This is EXTREMELY exciting for me because its the first step to completing a goal/dream that i’ve had for a long long time. I’m hoping that you will enjoy it as much as I love writing it.

I will start to post teasers here and there once the first draft is completed. I don’t have anything more to share. Oh never mind i do. haha. Just a little word of advise from one person to another. Everyone goes through many different events in life, they can break us or make us stronger, and sometimes it can help us come face to face with something that we fear the most. Whatever that fear is, don’t give into it. Easier said than done, trust me I know, but the more we let it consume us the more we prevent happiness from entering our lives. Happiness is something that someone should never live without; everyone deserves it even if its for a day.

until next time.
Stephanie
xo

We’re all worth it!

Like many others I have gone into the world of online dating. Why? You may ask; because like many im not going to find a guy at a bar, 9 times out of 10 they have a one track mind. I know many are an exception to this but lets face it, you are that one in a million story; as for me and maybe others we aren’t the exception to that rule. I’ve been on the free sites and am now currently paying for the services because like many, people would probably be a little more serious about dating when they pay for it, yea thats not always the case.
Before hearing my fun filled (enter sarcastic tone of voice) experience, i’m going to say this first; this will give a somewhat understanding about me. I have gone through a lot in my life and those that know me understand what im talking about and those of you who do not, ill just say that for once in my life I am comfortable in my own skin. I have come a long way to be comfortable and accepting of my flaws and of me.
Now for the interestingly fun part (again sarcasm) of FREE dating sites. For most who have the experience in this department will understand but for those who do not, then let me tell you these sites attract creepers! Its like their hangout and us single women are the intruders of their area of worship. Because lets face it, they travel in packs, just like wolves, but not as vulgar just like a creepy human being searching for its heard (yup thats right I went there, because its true) or they have a secret access to those who are new and find a way to creep in. Now don’t get me wrong, there are some interesting people on these sites, I just didn’t know that most do not have access to a car and most rely on septa (yes, i’m serious). 
For these very rare “normal” (since no one is really normal and normal can’t really be defined since we all think we are when in reality what is normal for one is not for another), people you talk to on these free sites are nice and you exchange numbers, talk on the phone or text and you feel like you have a connection, which is awesome but don’t be fooled. Ive talked to a few guys on these sites and some caught me off guard on the phone and were too demaning and alpha-male that I told them sorry but no thanks (I’ve seen how those types of relationships can end up in and im too stubborn to not have my way in certain things). Of the ones that I have met face to face and spoken with almost every day it gave me the hope and possibility that it could proceed into something greater. So why not try and persue that one. So being the person that I am, I told the other potential the truth and of course that didn’t go so well (I thought girls were needy and emotional, I was wrong, that guy was certainly manstruating or something). Now i’m not going to go in detail of what happened that the “potential” because it pisses me off too much and yes I was played like a fool to second guess myself and my niceness (one thing about me, is that I am nice and kind to EVERYONE). I have not come all this way to second guess myself and that there was something wrong with me; I am not going to waste many years of being able to put myself back together from my past and past experiences,  I am awesome, im an understanding person who will go above and beyond to make others feel secure of themselves and forget about my own insecurities. People wonder why there are so many women out there who get insecure and think that its all their fault that a guy isn’t calling them back after a date or who wont answer their text or the kicker when they finally get you into bed and they have the nerve to end it because its not going to work (thats happened to me before but not with this “potential”). If they ignore you or drop you like its hot, its their own loss because they are the one’s thats missing out not you. Remember for a guy they are only allowed so much blood flow to one brain at a time (haha). 
We blame ourselves and make excuses for the guy thats our fault for this in all actuality its not its theirs! Think about it! What did you do except be yourself? Theres nothing wrong with that! If a guy cannot handle you as yourself then whats the point. It comes down to the fact that we are way out of that douche nozzle’s league (yes I said nozzle and not bag, think about it because its way worse, one hangs there and the other is inserted, my point exactly) and deserve way better than that. If you want to continue to chase after them then go for it, but one thing ill tell you from this is that if you’re to busy chasing after the wrong guy, you’ll miss out on the possibilities of finding the right one. I may not habe found him yet but I know he’s out there, probably stuck in a tree somewhere but he’s there.
As for the paid servies of dating; I’ll keep you posted because so far its just emailing and nothing more.
I’ll leave you with this little bit of wisdom from my short experience. There is a difference between having time and making time, regardless of ones schedule if its something that you/they want, then they will do anything to make it happen. Its also the thrill of the chase for some guys and the whole wanting what you can’t have. But once they get you, they should still continue to prove to you that they are worth it and continue to fight for you even when they have you. If they don’t then find someone who will because you’re worth so much more than you think. 
Now i’m not bitter, or a man-hater or anything, and yes it may give you that impression; but lets face it, guys are assholes. It’s like my best friend’s brother said “all guys are dicks, its just depends on how much of a dick they are”; it doesn’t get any truer than that. 

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy thanksgiving to all those who celebrate this holiday. The content of this holiday is to show gratitude for anything and everything in ones life. As well for friends and family to come together and give thanks. I love this concept but at the same time I think its bull. Yeah thats right I said it bull. Why you might ask? I think that every day we should be thankful and greatful for the people in our lives; those who have stayed or those who have left. It should be important to show this type of love and/or support to these people so they can feel that they are worth it and accepted as they are.

There shouldnt be just one day to express this; only due to the next day the feeling of gratitude to over looked when people go shopping for black friday. Speaking of black friday shopping, im going to give my 2 cents in this matter. People are complaining that some stores are opening at 6pm on this wonderful thanksgiving day and that these same people have to leave their dinner and go to work and blah blah blah.  First of all be thankful that you are lucky to have a job because not everyone does this time of year, secondly you work in retail what do you expect, dont come down my throat on this because ive worked in retail and understand that we could not get off during this season because of shoppers. And finally get over yourselves you do not see any doctors, nurses, police officers, emts, firefighters or other health care workers and civil workers complaining that they have to work and they are the ones that help care for people and make sure the streets are safe or make sure if you deep fry the turkey and get burned that the house doesnt burn down and that your secomd degree burns are treated. So please and honesty get over it its not that much of a sacrifice and if you didnt like it to begin with then quit its simple because I can guarantee that someone else that needs a job would not complain about working a holiday.

So with all of that said, I hope that everyone has a happy and safe thanksgiving.